My bras are pitiful.  So pitiful in fact that last week a strap popped off.  It is as if my bra was trying to commit suicide. I imagine this bra lying in the ICU begging to be unhooked from all life-saving machines.  But have I thrown this bra away? Nope. It sits in my closet awaiting surgery. Even more pathetic, I have performed the same strap-reattachment procedure on her older sister.  Apparently, I am waiting for my bras to disintegrate into dust before I let them pass on to greener pastures.

You might be thinking, what is wrong with this woman? Go buy some new bras!  I think the same thing every time I see that bra sitting there in my closet. When I put on a disheveled bra,  I think, “I hope I don’t get into an accident today…I wouldn’t want the doctors to see me like this.” It’s funny and equally unfunny.  It’s a toleration, and I have my reasons for allowing it.

Our brain has a neurological bouncer. It only lets in the information it thinks is valuable. According to Dr. Joseph Dispenza, our “brain processes 400 billion bits of information a second, but we are only aware of 2,000 of these.” Our brain filters through information, lumping like things together and ditching data it deems unimportant.  So in essence, our brain is adding, deleting or distorting information. But we rarely ask ourselves if our reasons are true.

Our reasons for the toleration outweighs the results we desire. Let’s take my bra toleration for example.  As I stood in my closet this morning, I asked myself  “Why do I still have this bra? Why haven’t I bought a new bra?” My first thought was, “They are so expensive, I don’t have time to go shopping, bras always fit me weird. Every time I buy a bra I end up wearing the crappy ones that are more comfortable.”  If I believe all these reasons are legit, it makes sense that I haven’t purchased any new ones. Keeping my old bras in the rotation seemed like the best choice in light of all my reasons. I was willing to settle for what I had. I didn’t want to face the uncomfortable feelings associated with purchasing new bras.

How do I quit avoiding, procrastinating and tolerating what I don’t want?

Surrender.  I’ll say it again, surrender.  Surrender to the situation. My bras are ugly. My house is a mess. I don’t get enough sleep. My plates are chipped. My finances are out of control. My kids only eat meat shaped like dinosaurs….Surrender to it.  When you surrender to what is, you can look for possibilities. Instead of being stuck in making yourself “bad,” you have the opportunity to shift into action. Don’t shut yourself down in shame.

Is it true? Are my reasons true?  Remember our brain is a filtering machine who sometimes doesn’t get it right.  Ask yourself “What am I making up?” Is my situation true? Are my bras ugly? Yes. Is it true that I won’t find a comfortable bra? No. I had made that up.

Look for possibilities. So if it is not true, what could be possible? Hmmm…I could find an even better bra, or I could order the same bra off of Amazon.  When I see options, my reasons loose steam. When my “reasons” lose their power, I move towards results.

Why should I care? Avoidance keeps us from the results we want. Tolerating unfinished business in life also steals valuable resources.  Every time you see that unfinished task, you are reminded that you haven’t completed it. Faced with the emotions associated with the avoidance can often lead to shame. It takes your energy and time you could be spending on more worthwhile endeavors. If you compiled all the time you spent in a week thinking about things you are tolerating, and all the time and energy you spent feeling the stress and shame of avoidance, think about what you could get done? Think about the peace you would experience as a result of taking action.

Now it’s your turn.

Ask yourself “What am I tolerating?” Look for the reasons you have this avoidance.

Take notice of the emotions associated with this toleration. Surrender.

Ask yourself “What am I making up?” and then look for possibilities.

Take action.

You can have reasons or results. You choose.

 

About the Author

Jaime Gordon

Jaime Gordon Life Coaching

Transformational Coaching/Life Coaching

Jaime Gordon is a transformational life coach who partners with individuals to clarify their vision, break through barriers, and achieve the longings of their hearts in life, relationships and business. In addition to being a wife and mother of 3, she truly believes in the power of standing with her clients as they do the work of transformation.

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