It’s been a tough month for our team, with more challenges than any of us could have imagined. We’ve had to face the loss of loved ones (plural), deal with serious health issues and hospitalization, and manage the chaos that life can sometimes throw our way.
I’m sure you’ve been through a season or many like this.
It’s during these times that everything feels irrationally difficult, and it can take everything we’ve got just to keep marching forward.
But even amid grief and stress, there are ways to build resilience so that we can continue to show up for life and business.
My longtime listeners and friends know I’ve been through a lot in life. Like, things that probably should have taken me down. But somehow I figured out a way to rise above it. I can see that now.
So my assistant and I were trying to wrap our arms around all the details of everyone’s worlds to ensure no balls were getting dropped in this stressful season.
She finally says to me, “Crazy things happen to you all the time. You just get hammered. But you still stay positive.”
I responded, “What’s the alternative? That seems terrible.”
And in that moment we decided I needed to do a solo episode on what you can do to ensure you can keep your chin up to function and at the very least cope until you can work your way towards thriving again.
So I will share three science-backed ways that will help you keep it together in the toughest of times, but if you’ll indulge me, I’d like to speak at a spiritual level first.
(Not a religious one. Don’t turn me off!)
I mean spiritual in terms of your relationship with yourself and your purpose.
I’m saying this as someone who has PTSD and other things, life gets far easier to contend with when you surrender to the journey. When you stop looking at life as showing you favor versus punishing you.
It’s not a war. It’s a journey and there will be obstacles.
There is contrast in this life, and living as if there is no contrast is a surefire way to lose hope and remain in a constant state of disappointment because of chronically unmet expectations of an easy breezy life without friction.
Highs and lows.
Light and darkness.
Good and evil.
Instead, it is possible to rest in a place where you can say that no matter how ugly the situation is or how great the loss is you can find something of value to carry forward after moving through the worst of it, of course.
Perhaps you carry forward wisdom that helps you cope with future responsibilities better or gain experience that helps you navigate higher stakes challenges in the future.
Maybe finding purpose in the pain, turning losses into lessons and failing forward are all mumbo jumbo for some.
But committing to the long game – the whole journey – affords you the chance to build strength and endurance as you get further and further down the path. It is something to celebrate as you say goodbye to the person you were – the person you left behind to evolve into the newest version of you after the experience you just endured.
So that is my hot take for those who enjoy swimming in the deep end with me. 🙂
And for those who need a little more science, here are the three steps that can help you navigate these hard times with a bit more strength and grace, according to research.
1. Acknowledge and Process Your Emotions
First, give yourself permission to feel whatever you’re going through.
Daniel Goleman’s book Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ, reveals research that acknowledging and processing your emotions—rather than avoiding or suppressing them—can reduce their intensity and help you recover more quickly.
Yep. You have to feel the feels. But it doesn’t have to be messy or dramatic.
Try journaling (even if it is just bulleting your ideas and not worrying about making it make too much sense), talking to someone you trust, or simply sitting with your feelings without judgment.
I really had to do this this week because there was just SO much going on and I did not have the time to allow it all to give me whiplash.
So when I felt something I really felt it.
I allowed it to bubble up in its fullness, acknowledge it and any other related feelings like guilt for having the feeling in the first place and I just let it be what it was.
I might journal in real time on my phone or process in my written journal later that night. Or I might talk my ideas out loud with a trusted friend just to get it out and off my heart.
I can say first hand that I tried all of Goleman’s suggestions and it’s helped keep me stay centered and stable enough. (Again, the goal isn’t magic. The goal is to keep it together.)
2. Practice Self-Compassion
We often treat ourselves more harshly than we would anyone else. Just think of the ugly things we say to ourselves that we would NEVER say to our friends let alone stand by and hear anyone else speak to them that way.
Many of you have followed my lead on naming your inner mean girl or your inner mean boy. I call mine Gertrude. It’s easier to personify that side of you so you can tell it to shut up. (I have to tell Gertrude to shut up often!)
In Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself, Kristin Neff explains that self-compassion, which involves treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding you’d offer to a friend, can significantly improve your resilience. She shares studies that show that people who practice self-compassion are better able to cope with difficult situations and experience less stress and anxiety .
So when you’re feeling overwhelmed, remind yourself that it’s okay to struggle and that you’re doing the best you can. Sometimes your best is surviving, sometimes it is coping, sometimes it’s turning into a B instead of an A to conserve energy…and that’s OK.
3. Stay Connected and Seek Support
And of course, human connection is a powerful tool for resilience. Researchers at the American Psychological Association concluded that social support can enhance resilience by providing a sense of belonging and security.
Whether it’s leaning on family, friends, or colleagues, staying connected with others provides emotional support and helps buffer the impact of stress.
I’ll just say it – you may be disappointed in who does NOT show up for you, and while yes, it sucks…it also gives you more data to help you make better decisions along the journey about where you put your energy or who you sacrifice for or show up for unconditionally.
The people who want to ride in your limo but not your bus or who only want to kick it in the sunshine, but not in the rain, need to show you who they are because you need to know it!
But don’t hesitate to reach out and let others in. Just knowing you’re not alone can make all the difference.
My support system is incredible. If I had a single true secret for how I have navigated such a rollercoaster of a life and how I’ve kept the train on the tracks this year and especially the past month, is mostly because I have SO many amazing people in my life that fill my cup, put wind in my sails and a fire under my behind!
You can’t do this alone. It’s too much for one person to navigate. It’s time to take the cape off.
Recap of the Essential Steps to Stay Resilient
So to recap, on the more spiritual side of things, trust the journey and accept that the journey will have contrast that gives you amazing and exhilarating experiences, as well as pain and disappointments. Yet, it’s all experience and information you can use as you navigate your ever-evolving journey to becoming the best version of yourself.
Then, science says that acknowledging your emotions, practicing self-compassion, and staying connected to others all help build the resilience you need to keep going, even when life feels overwhelming.
Now…these steps won’t make everything magically better, but they can help you find your footing as you navigate through the challenges so many of us are facing right now.
Before we part ways I want to remind you that we are in the final weeks of The Bombshell Business Podcast, so be sure you either follow me on YouTube at YouTube.com/@AmberHurdle and/or sign up for my newsletter that delivers actionable branding advice to you every week. I’m not spammy. Ask around. Go to amberhurdle.com/newsletter and we’ll get you hooked up so we can stay in touch.
And in the meantime, take care of yourself and each other—there is a lot going on in this weird world we live in, but together we can get through it.
See you in the next episode!
Links & Mentioned Resources
Bombshell Business Podcast Show Notes: AmberHurdle.com/PodcastS
Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ by Daniel Goleman
Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Kristin Neff
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