“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right”….does anybody think that sentiment is a bit annoying? I do. But what if there was some truth to that idea?  According to The Three Laws of Performance, how things occur to us is directly linked to our performance.

Meet Noelle.  Noelle is a busy working mother who longs for connection with her kids and husband.  She works long hours and by the time she gets home, the mad dash is on to complete the nightly routine. She is a multi-tasking ninja. She manages to feed her family and answer work emails while checking her kid’s homework.  She does a majority of the housework because her husband “doesn’t do it right” and “the kids would complain.” She finally gets the kids in bed and does the laundry. Exhausted, she falls into bed beside her partner and watches TV until she falls asleep. She has tried to implement family time or even the occasional date night, but “something always comes up.” She longs for deep connection with her family but doesn’t see how things could change. After all, “there are only 24 hours in a day.” So she continues doing the same thing day after day, unable to achieve the intimacy she longs for.

Notice how things occur to Noelle.  She believes that despite her efforts, her desire for meaningful connections will never become reality.  She is marching toward the future already occupied by the beliefs formed from her past.

Well, that sucks. Is Noelle doomed to shallow connections?  Don’t worry, there is hope for this fictional gal. But how?

First, she has to identify her limiting beliefs.

Easy as pie for us in the audience, but not so easy for Noelle to see her own limiting beliefs, to her, it is “just the way it is.”  The fastest way to identify these performance sabotaging beliefs is to look at the language. I’m not referring to only spoken words, but in this sense language also includes our body language, thought life, the tone of our voice, etc.

So let’s look at Noelle’s language.  We can see that she complains that her husband and children are incapable of helping out. She worries that work emails can’t wait until tomorrow. She believes that a connection needs to happen by doing special activities or dates. She complains that nothing she tries will work. To her, life is too busy to have the connections she longs for.   She doesn’t see any possibilities and so resolves herself to trying nothing and settles for what she has. Imagine how a shift in their perspective could impact the way she shows up in her family?

So what’s a gal to do?  We are take her limiting beliefs to court.  

She thinks her husband stinks at housework and her kids will complain.  Noelle can offer a laundry list of evidence from past experiences to support her limiting beliefs.  But in this courthouse no such evidence is admissible. She can’t prove that today, without a shadow of a doubt those things will happen or will continue to happen.  She has lost her case, the life she longs for is possible. She can now see that the way it “occurred” to her was, in fact, a limiting belief.

Armed with this new insight, she can ask what is wanted and needed to take actionable steps toward her goals. She has to be specific about what she wants, and how she will get there.  She must be willing to give up some things to make room for what she wants. She has to be willing to make requests and be vulnerable if she wants a true connection with her family.

Now it’s your turn.  

• Jot down an area that you are having trouble making progress.  Journal about why you feel stuck or are not seeing the results you want.   Now, look at those words. What is the common thread? How does the situation occur to you?  
• Ask yourself if it is true….as in provable in court without using evidence from the past.  Can you see what you made “fact” when it is actually “fiction”? Excellent. You have identified a limiting belief.
• Ask yourself what is wanted and needed to move forward. BE SPECIFIC
• Commit and take action!

 

About the Author

Jaime Gordon

Jaime Gordon Life Coaching

Transformational Coaching/Life Coaching

Jaime Gordon is a transformational life coach who partners with individuals to clarify their vision, break through barriers, and achieve the longings of their hearts in life, relationships and business. In addition to being a wife and mother of 3, she truly believes in the power of standing with her clients as they do the work of transformation.

Get Social: Facebook | Instagram