5 Steps to Bust Past Counterfeit Fulfillment and Go For The Real Deal - Amber Hurdle | Globally Recognized Leadership & Personal Branding Expert

5 Steps to Bust Past Counterfeit Fulfillment and Go For The Real Deal

March 03, 2019

Last night, I was reading a book with my son. It’s an old favorite, The Monster Who Ate The Darkness, in which, a monster eats all the darkness in the whole universe, but never feels satisfied.  He then scoops up a crying boy and comforts him. As he snuggles this boy, all the darkness oozes out of him and returns to where it belongs.  The monster shrinks down to a tiny little monster but finally feels satisfied in the arms of the sleeping boy.

As I read this story last night, I thought, “I am this darkness monster…only I prefer pumpkin bread and tortilla chips to the darkness in fox dens.” The past six months, I have found myself vacillating between not caring that I had to buy new jeans to accommodate my eating habits, to the more painful moments of shaming myself in the mirror or standing in my pantry looking for something unhealthy to eat.  I, like the “monster”, was completely missing the point.

While the logical part of my brain wants me to implement strategies to curb my superfluous eating, I know that without getting ahold of why I am choosing this behavior, I will just be strong-arming my will into temporary submission.

The wonderful thing about the stories we tell ourselves is that we get to re-write them. Here are some simple (but not necessarily easy) steps to bust through the junk that keeps us shackled to counterfeit fulfillment.

1. Be Honest.

Ask “Where am I filling my life with counterfeit fulfillment”? Do you find yourself “wasting” time on social media? Binge watching shows? Eating foods that bring you farther from your health goals? Do you work too much? Do you settle for light and breezy conversations verse deep and intimate connections?

2. Get With Your Stories.

Can you see what you have made “fact” that is actually not?  This step takes humility and a willingness to look at your stories with great honesty. Not sure if your reasons are fact or fiction? Use the “million dollar test”…..if someone paid you a million dollars could you do it?  Could you make the time to cook a healthy meal? Leave work at work? Dive deep into a conversation and experience intimacy? If the answer is yes, then you are operating in a story and not actual reality.

3. Understand Why Your Story Is At Play.

When the scales begin to fall from our eyes, (that most of our reality is by choice) it can be powerfully motivating.  Use that motivation to investigate why you choose your story. There will ALWAYS be a payoff or benefit to your story. So grab a piece of paper and start listing all the benefits of believing your story.  When you have exhausted all the possible payoffs, flip the coin and look what it is costing you. Often it is the cost that will shift our perspective and release us from the grip of our story.

4. What Is The New Possibility You Can Live In?“So thoroughly and sincerely are we compelled to live, reverencing our life, and denying the possibility of change. This is the only way, we say; but there are as many ways as there can be drawn radii from one centre.” ― Henry David Thoreau

Be creative.  There are always more options than we see at first glance. Still stumped? Ask a friend, mentor or coach for some suggestions.

5. Keep At It!

This isn’t a once and done, this is an opportunity to craft a new way of thinking, being and acting.  I may find myself foraging for fulfillment in the pantry from time to time. No big deal. I can notice what I am doing, why I am doing it, what it costs me and choose something new. You can, too.

We don’t have to settle for counterfeit fulfillment. So whether you are the monster who ate the darkness, or the girl who spent the whole evening scrolling through social media,  you can find real fulfillment.

About the Author

Jaime Gordon

Jaime Gordon

Jaime Gordon Life Coaching

Transformational Coaching/Life Coaching

Jaime Gordon is a transformational life coach who partners with individuals to clarify their vision, break through barriers, and achieve the longings of their hearts in life, relationships and business. In addition to being a wife and mother of 3, she truly believes in the power of standing with her clients as they do the work of transformation.

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